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Unfaithful (songfic)
This is a songfic based on the song "Unfaithful" by Rihanna. Written by Melodybird, it tells of a she-cat who just can't stay loyal to her mate. My paws will always carry my fast enough. My claws will always fight well enough. But my heart will never be pure enough. Because what I've done... it's beyond reason, beyond fairness. Newly laid snow sends icy shudders down my spine, numbing my paws as I trudge blindly on. My pelt is sleekly groomed, but not for the right cat. My whole life revolves around doing what is right. That's what the Clans do. But he's never enough for me until it's too late, and I've hurt him beyond repair. His shining blue gaze burns into me for a minute, but his eyes flick away to the snow-smothered ground. I glance at the sky, noting the position of the blood-red sun. It dips gracefully behind the canopies; it's almost nightfall. That's when I promised to meet the other cat. "You look beautiful," he whispers. In his eyes, pain burns so intensely that I can feel it being radiated into the Leafbare sky. Sorrow in my soul Cause it seems that wrong Really loves my company Part of me yearns to tell him that I'm staying by his side for tonight. Forever. But the wrong inside me always wins, because that's how I was born and that is who I am. "Maybe I did once," I reply softly, but he winces in pain because he knows what I mean. Maybe I was faithful once. He's more than a man And this is more than love The reason that the sky is blue "You're always beautiful to me, Watershine. You know that, don't you?" the fight in his eyes has gone. There's only a dull, wary pain left. Like he's been beaten in battle and is simply waiting for the end. Yearning for the end, even. That's what I've done. A shadow of darkness sweeps over the trees, sending a lightning bolt of guilt to my heart. I'm meeting the other tom soon. "I've got to go soon, Snowpelt," I mew. And it's then when the real pain flashes in his ice-blue eyes. His glossy yet scarred body tenses. We both know what's happening next. T'he clouds are rolling in Because I'm going again And to him I just can't be true' Staying would solve everything. But some sort of evil deep inside me is whispering in my ear, urging me to walk away. I can't fight it. The other tom is a hero, a majestic warrior. I'm a rogue that was thrown out of the Clan moons ago. And why was I thrown from the Clans? Because I was unfaithful to RiverClan. I was unfaithful then, and I'm unfaithful now. Who would want me in their life? Snowpelt would. He followed me from the Clans. Brackenpelt does. He sees me in secret every night, and I go to him, even though it's killing Snowpelt. And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful And it kills him inside To know that I am happy with some other guy I can see him dying It drags the life out of him. Slowly, agonisingly, undeniably. I'm a killer, so much of a killer that I don't even have to unsheathe my claws to take lives. I avoid his searching gaze, because even though he knows I'm unfaithful, I can't let him see the guilt in my eyes. I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna be the reason why ' Why is this me? Why am I the cat that steals happiness and tortures those who care? Snowpelt steps forward hastily, his eyes suddenly hungry. Hungry for love that I never show. Hungry for faith. "Be careful out there. It's a stormy night," he murmurs at last. '''Everytime I walk out the door I see him die a little more inside ' It's like this every night. He tries to hide it, but I see it. The moment I step into the forest, his wails ring out loud and clear. His pleas for death haunt me, until I'm running desperately for comfort. And my only comfort is the cat who turned me into this. Brackenpelt. '''I don't wanna hurt him anymore I don't wanna take away his life I don't wanna be... A murderer He left his Clan for me. Everyone liked Snowpelt back in RiverClan. He had a group of friends and countless admiring she-cats. This is how I am repaying him. By putting that pain in his eyes. By taking away his life. By killing him, in the worst way that any cat can kill another. I feel it in the air As I'm doing my hair The little touches hurt him the worst, I can see that. My fur is groomed because Brackenpelt only likes one thing about me - my looks. I always take special care to groom my pelt before meeting him. What tom wouldn't want me, with my glossy silver fur and shining blue eyes? If only what's inside me dictated my looks. Then they'd see me for what I really am; a hideous, unthinkable creature with no goodness or honour. If only I was ugly. Then Snowpelt wouldn't love me, and he wouldn't be hurt. Then Brackenpelt wouldn't want me to be unfaithful and see him every nightfall. On second thoughts, Snowpelt would want me even if I looked like crowfood. He's perfect like that. I'm not. Preparing for another date A kiss upon my cheek As he reluctantly Asks if I'm gonna be out late "Promise me that you'll be back at the den by sunhigh?" he mews quietly, licking my ear quickly. I notice that his gaze won't meet mine any more. It must hurt too much to look straight at me. After what I've done to him, it's not surprising. ' I say I won't be long Just hanging with the girls A lie I didn't have to tell Because we both know Where I'm about to go And we know it very well' "I promise. It's not as if I'm going to fight dogs. I'm just seeing my old RiverClan friends, and I'll be back before you can say the word faithful," I lie, but then freeze at my mistake. Why did I choose the word faithful, of all words? Why not something harmless, like mouse ''or ''vole? I know why. It's because I only have one conscience, and it tells me to do what is wrong. My conscience wants me to kill. I am a killer. And we both know it. Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful And it kills him inside To know that I am happy with some other guy I can see him dying "You're the reason that I was born, Watershine. Don't make me lose you," he whispers, and I feel guilt burning inside me because we both know that he's already lost me. I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna be the reason why Everytime I walk out the door I see him die a little more inside "For StarClan's sake, I'm going!" I sigh, and my paws carry me away from the pain before I can stop myself. The heartbroken wails start quickly this time. They start off loud, broken, and helpless. After a while, as I gain distance from the place he lies crying, the wails grow weaker. They become forlorn and lost, like an abandoned kit wailing for the only cat that he loves. A cat that can't love him back because she has left. I don't wanna hurt him anymore I don't wanna take away his life I don't wanna be... A murderer "Hello, Watershine. Or is it Water, now that you're a rogue?" Brackenpelt mews slyly, watching me closely as I make my way to the ThunderClan border. "Same as ever. I'm always your Watershine," I mew mischieviously, carefully allowing a glitter into my eyes. He dips his head, falling for the trick completely. "Same name, same looks, same everything. Huh! I thought being a rogue would change you. Guess not. Anyone lucky enough to have me wouldn't dream ''of changing themselves," he replies arrogantly, seeming at ease with the situation. But whenever I seek his glinting amber gaze, deep inside I'm still desperate to meet a loving blue stare. '''Our love, his trust I might as well take a gun and put it to his head Get it over with I don't wanna do this Anymore Uh' I can practically feel him watching me as I talk to the golden tom. I can almost hear his yowls, his wails, his cries. It's killing him and yet I'm loving my time here. I'm selfish, but not just that. I'm a selfish murderer. (TO BE CONTINUED) 'Anymore (anymore) ' 'I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna be the reason why And everytime I walk out the door I see him die a little more inside And I don't wanna hurt him anymore I don't wanna take away his life I don't wanna be... A murderer (a murderer) ' No no no no Yeah yeah yeah , because I know that I ' ' He's more than a man And this is more than love The reason that the sky is blue 'My heart is on fire. I don't want him to feel like this. I want it to be me and him forever. But I can't ' 'The clouds are rolling in Because I'm gone again And to him I just can't be true {C}And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful And it kills him inside To know that I am happy with some other guy I can see him dying ' I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna be the reason why Everytime I walk out the door I see him die a little more inside I don't wanna hurt him anymore I don't wanna take away his life I don't wanna be... A murderer {C}I feel it in the air As I'm doing my hair Preparing for another date A kiss upon my cheek As he reluctantly Asks if I'm gonna be out late I say I won't be long Just hanging with the girls A lie I didn't have to tell Because we both know Where I'm about to go And we know it very well Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful And it kills him inside To know that I am happy with some other guy I can see him dying {C}I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna be the reason why Everytime I walk out the door I see him die a little more inside I don't wanna hurt him anymore I don't wanna take away his life I don't wanna be... A murderer Our love, his trust I might as well take a gun and put it to his head Get it over with I don't wanna do this Anymore Uh Anymore (anymore) {C}I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna be the reason why And everytime I walk out the door I see him die a little more inside And I don't wanna hurt him anymore I don't wanna take away his life I don't wanna be... A murderer (a murderer) No no no no Yeah yeah yeah Category:Songfic Series